a letter

Hey Dude,
How’s Chicago? How’s your parents’ divorce treating you? How is life? On the positive side, you’re not in jail.

I’m sending to you this letter to tell you that I have a problem. It’s pretty small, though, so you can take your time answering. There’s no need to worry like you always do over trivial stuff like losing your job or watching your neighbor killing himself the other day. It happens and you’ll move on. I know I did. But this time, I don’t exactly know what to do and since I practically worship the ground you walk on, I want some of your advice.

I’m pretty sure my mom is trying to kill me. She put rat poison into my soup and I dumped it out when she wasn’t looking which is pretty hard to tell since she always has her eyes open (she doesn’t close her eyes when she passes out). I think she also tried to eat the toe that I’d accidentally cut off after she gave me a knife that I didn’t know how to use. I’m thinking I should move out, you know? I’m thirty and it makes me want to hurl every time someone calls me a mama’s boy. Did I mention that she tried to shove a pillow onto my face and suffocate me last night? But this isn’t the issue I wanted to discuss with you. Just wanted you to know what my dull life was like.

Well, I found out yesterday that there’s an epidemic heading our way into Montana and I’ve been coughing up blood. So I’m kinda scared but not really. Nothing of consequence has ever happened to me so this’ll be a change. Dad’s unconscious right now which is why I’m just stuck with Mom and you know how I feel about her. Her obsession with killing me is distasteful but I can’t blame her. She’s bored. Right now, I think I can hear Dad retching out the window. Mom’s somewhere doing something with snake venom. I can’t tell. I’m busy trying not fall into a heap of mud on the floor. Anyway, I was wondering if you could tell your dad to send me anything to stop all this pain, if it’s not too much trouble.

Thanks and take care,
Marlin Tokagawa

PS- Why haven’t you been answering any of my letters? Did you die or what?